Damaged
by Kla1987
Summary: AU Scandal story - Olivia is a recovering alcoholic in need of saving after a tragic accident tears her life apart. Mentions of Jake, but this is an Olitz story, so Olitz is endgame! Disclaimer - I don't own Scandal or the characters, I just enjoy borrowing them for my own stories now and then. Reviews are love - enjoy!


**AN: Hello Gladiators! **

**It's been a while since I've tried my hand at a Scandal fanfic, but this idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while now, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm patiently awaiting October like the rest of you, but in the meantime, I need some Olitz in my life! **

**This is an AU story (because I don't even want to touch the clusterfuck that was the season 3 finale with my what ifs), where Olivia is a recovering alcoholic trying to reconcile issues surrounding a traumatic time in her life and the resulting unraveling of her marriage. Yes, Jake is mentioned briefly in this one (because I do have some appreciation for JakeFromStateFarm), but Olitz is endgame. **

**Anyway, let me know what you think – enjoy!**

* * *

She sat in the bar, hands at her temples, trying desperately to rub away the headache she felt forming there. She'd been here for hours, as was becoming her normal routine after work, needing desperately to forget. At first the wine had worked for her, but she'd long since discovered the need for something stronger to muddy her mind and numb the pain. And especially today, she knew she desperately needed more for her escape.

It had been six months since Jake left her, six months since he gave up trying to put their broken marriage back together. She couldn't blame him for leaving – in fact, in some ways, she was grateful that he'd finally decided to go. His absence was easier to deal with than his accusing eyes. Every day since the accident she could feel the love he felt for her, once vibrant and strong, slowly dwindling away into nothing. Of course, she couldn't really blame him for that either. He hated her, she knew, but he would never hate her more than she hated herself. He would never forgive her for what she'd done, but again, she couldn't blame him. She knew she didn't deserve his forgiveness. She knew that that one day, that one accident had changed everything, ruined everything in their lives. She would never be happy again, but maybe Jake could have the chance to start over, to heal some of the hurt she'd inflicted on him that day. She was ruined, she had ruined them but maybe… maybe Jake could be okay again one day.

Olivia didn't want to be okay though. She only wanted to forget.

By the time she finished her… what was it? Fourth? Fifth round? She'd lost count a while ago… She felt a familiar set of hands around her waist, and a familiar voice telling her gently that she'd had enough. She smiled lazily, Harrison's face blurry in her now fading vision as he all but drug her away from the bar. She didn't even know he'd been in the bar with her, but again, she wasn't surprised. They all seemed to take turns watching over her now, as if they could somehow prolong the inevitable by making her go home from the bar each evening.

She didn't fight as Harrison loaded her limp body into his car, buckling her in with the seat belt before going to the driver's side and doing the same for himself. She listened halfheartedly as he began his nightly lecture… "Liv you've got to stop doing this… you can't keep punishing yourself forever… sooner or later you've got to get it together and move on…"

That last comment would have probably made her angry if she cared enough to answer right now. How dare he say she needed to move on? How could anyone possibly expect her to move on from this kind of loss? The word loss, however, brought unwelcome images back to her mind, flashes of the accident, strung together in her mind like a movie montage. She appreciated, at least, that the alcohol numbed her mind enough that she wasn't forced to relive the entire thing, scene for scene the way her sober mind did daily.

She closed her eyes and allowed the gentle hum of Harrison's luxury car lull her into a state of near sleep. She didn't open her eyes again until she felt the car stop, indicating that they had arrived at her apartment. Harrison exited the vehicle, making his way around to Olivia's side before deftly pulling her from the car and carrying her up the stairs into the building. Once inside her apartment, he laid her on her bed, removing her shoes and jacket and tucking her in under her blanket. He set her alarm for the next morning and placed two naproxen and a glass of water on her nightstand before leaving her there to sleep off her latest binge.

* * *

Olivia woke the next morning to gentle light streaming through her curtains and a splitting headache. Instinctively, she reached over to her bedside table, her hands immediately landing on the pills Harrison had left there the night before. She took them, chasing the little blue tablets with the now stale glass of water, and lay back in her pillows. She glanced briefly at the alarm clock, noticing that she had at least another half hour before she needed to get up and go to work. Understanding that idle time was not good for her mind, she coaxed herself into getting out of bed anyway, making her way to the shower before commencing the rest of her morning routine. As she went about her idle routine, studiously avoiding the mirror, she thought about what work would be like today. She could anticipate the reactions from her coworkers today, and she was not in the mood. They had been "gently encouraging" her to "get help" for her alleged drinking problem since Jake had left, but she wasn't in a place where she felt like it was a problem. Actually, that wasn't true. She was well aware of her problem and its implications – she just wasn't yet interested in doing anything about it.

As she completed her routine and made her way to the door, she caught a glimpse of herself in the hall mirror, and immediately wished she hadn't. She looked at her face – once lovely and full of life, and noticed how tired and worn out she appeared. Her fingers immediately went to the scar on her neck, spanning the distance between her hear and her collar bone, barely missing her carotid artery, and had to bite her lip in order to ward off the unwanted memories of the accident once again. She regretted already that there was a policy in place to keep her from drinking while she was at work – this was definitely going to be a long day.


End file.
